the post one-day birthday blog~~

somewhere over the rainbow… i shall be happy.. otherwise i will unsurvive myself.. whell yesterday i turned 23.. and it was an interesting day. one of insane happiness and equal amounts of disappointment. i enjoyed myself tho, it was real laid-back… i went out last night with the man and it was wierd, the timing [...]

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craziness in little and big proportions!

hey wow its sat the twenty-fifth and my b-day is in four days. big freakn whoo. and as of this moment in time.. as i sit here in nates big leather chair.. my life is f’kn insane~ its all gravy tho b/ every moment is a learning experience. i love it.. well there’s the ex [...]

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in the midst of smoke and mirrors.. i realize this

i realize a great many things about myself. i miss the little things.. the smallest companionships. of old and new lovers.. juxtaposed into the quietest moments. moments of utter sheer bliss. i had a one-night stand that left me standing alive and poignant, fertile and rich as new soil. looking into sky-blue eyes set upon [...]

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thoughts of almost this time last year.. old meets new hmm

oodles of intristic knowledge
dance invitingly through my head
shadows, boxes and shelves
stored ideas and concepts
infuse, confuse, electrify me
untouched my man’s devices or cruelty
bring me knowlege in a soft, rare form
newborn, alive, this revives me
beautifies, mesmerizes
my aching ortifices and senses
swollen, ghastly rationalized
translate, accomdate this knowledge
until it becomes one with me
pulls me through, unto the deep blue
a new [...]

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old poetry.. of conviction and forgiveness

come, just as you are~ come in your anger, filth and digust
come-filled with your pain
pain so deep it sears into your soul
you breathe and your breath catches
delicate, silent breaths
of exquisite pain
come just as you are…
come with dirt of rejection stained upon your heart
come… and bow
bow.. fall upon your face
bow
your knees buckle in silent emotion
and rememberance [...]

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Vision of a Lover~~

luv is somewhere…
waiting in the silent night for me.. fantasy beckons me
to begin my journey in the shadows
i fantastize a lover rising out of the clouds.. out of the fog on silky-silent streets.. alongside rain-dampened curbs.. lost in pale light under shrouded street lamps..
long hands… smooth skin and silky hair brushing against me.. overwhelms me.. dark [...]

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of a former lover …. of memories buried away

my lovers voice.. comes to me soft and soothing as i hear the rain..
my lover’s tears glisten in my eyes… wet and humilating… as i hear the rain
my lover’s smell drifts towards me… musk and sweet.. as i hear the rain
my lover’s lips.. haunt my memories.. full and lucious.. as i hear the rain
my lover’s [...]

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thoughts of august 15th

in my own bizarre strangely-comforting voice .. hmmm8-15-06
another crisis, here to cry over
yet i can’t somehow
i move ahead w/ a critical face
my fists clenched in anticipation
of so many more battles to come
every now and then i’ll fall apart
but not today nor tommorrow
for i am woman and i am strong~

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lyrics that are calling to me at the moment.. softly~

Looking back on the memory of
The dance we shared ‘neath the stars alone
For a moment all the world was right
How could I have known that you’d ever say goodbye
And now I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end the way it all would go
Our lives are better left to chance I could [...]

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and then a breath of fresh air blew in~

hmm so… i have this friend now.. i’m not sure if he’s more than a friend yet.. i think its possible .. hmm i know he likes me and i’m attracted to him.. just i’m not sure if its meant to be anything more than this easy-going friendship… goofy-conversation thing! hmm he is a bit [...]

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