=>
Current mood: wholly satisified and grateful
so this is what it comes down to.. me and the grittyness of my reality, my honesty-room.
i can’t change a moment, not an inkling, not one solitary past emotion or memory can i alter. its depressing and justly so. but encouraging too, in a inate sense. it seems to me anyway. we are all humans. and we tend to want to run, to flee madly away frm our unresolved pain and our buried scars that painfully resprout perdiocially. its enough to be depressing and morbid about. but i’ve learned to deal, to think so hard on something my hands shake and my head longs for a breath of peace. sunday was such a day. some person i don’t even know, have never meet before, made a comment to me that forced me to look at myself yet again. and to dig, and to inspire myself not just to dig once, but to continue digging, to uncover those rare jewels hiding.
muhatma gandhi said “be the change you long to see in the world”
as a motto, it screams reason and logic before impulse and emotion. i am slowly (at a turtle’s pace) learning to react with my intition and wisdom.. instead of my reckless mouth that knows no fear or shame. a firm hand holds my candle now, not a shaky one. to all those who know me, know i am weak and i have many mountains yet to climb. i clamber upward with my dirty hands netched in long ingrains of rock. i will survive. i will be on time for whatever waits for me over yonder.
if you think about this… you will feel too… feel something.
thoughts to coincide:
every miniscle detail of pain and pleasure.
a journey amoung shattered and jagged fragments.
one’s slight inclination of what a healing could provide.
vast corrulations of what
could be there.
but hasn’t grown or been nurtured.
the insufficiency, the inconsistency of emotions
leave a soul broken, fashioned of metal and dust
circumspently, emotions betray
truth and constancy of fact
they rend and destroy without
effort.
healing only occurs.. when every emotion has faded.
fickle and cruel as children, they must be forsaken.
hearts may break, love may be lost or regained, and trust may die,
but time, as a bitter-marching maiden, plunges onward.
to the inertia of life…
strength is drawn from some hidden crevice, within the spine, and gathered around the will.
relocating to all the body’s fragile extremities.
it draws frm angst and tragedy and each pinprick of mistrust..
residing in the brief block of human existence.
in the purest, most wholly mind-consuming way.
god is good, to show us our mistakes.. and i am grateful to Him. and i am grateful for the ability to write and create a world within my words. nothing is quite as fufilling as a word journey to satisfy a particular need.
